Dear diary,

Now what?

Do you ever look at your life and think... now what?

What's next? Where do I go? What do I do? How do I elevate?

Im 20, and many people tell me,

" Your life just started"

"You have time"

"Don't worry about that right now"

BUT IM FUCKIN WORRIED!

When I was younger, I had a vision for myself, as many of us did.

I wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer (because I love to argue tehe), I wanted to be out of my parents' house, move out of state, and enjoy my life.

Now that Im older, thats not even MY vision anymore. You wouldn't catch me DEAD going to school to be a doctor. I'm PETRIFIED to live by myself. Now, moving outta state? Thats still the plan.

But with the world going to shit ( Fuck Trump, Fuck ICE!), my vision has gotten a little blurry.

Which is scary; the fear of the unknown is real! And what if Im just a big fat failure?

What if my life means nothing when everything is said and done?

I can't go back; I can't fix the mistakes I've made, but this world makes it soooo fucking hard to improve

And reinvent yourself. Always having to prove yourself is SO.FUCKING.EXHAUSTING!

It just makes you wanna give up.

BUT WE SHALL CONTINUE TO PERSEVERE!

Because the only way from down is up! <3

Dear Diary,

Being a Mother is HARD!

So, I have a little fur baby that I like to think i gave birth to.... Which I did, idc idc.

Anyways, I got her 3 months ago and SHE. IS. A. MENACE!

When I tell you she takes me through there? LIKE NO OTHER!

She's my baby and I wouldn't trade her for the world, but would I EVER get another kitten? FUCK NO!

She's in the stage of life where she's smellin herself... teenagers, I tell ya.

That puberty shit? Is not for the weak. One minute she wanna cuddle, and the next?

She's beating my ass like I stole her temptations from her and called her mama a dog ass bitch. Never would I have thought I'd be in an abusive relationship with my cat, but here we are.

Dear Diary,

Why Do The Elderly Get a Pass?

Have you ever had an altercation with someone a little more... seasoned? Maybe an auntie, great-aunt, grandmother, older cousin, etc.

And it doesn't have to be YOUR family per se; it can be a friend's family member.

And they are just... sour? Their mood is sour; they talk with an attitude, are rude for no reason, very harsh, and just tone-deaf overall.

Everyone in the room sees it. Everyone in the room knows it, but they just... ignore it?!

 

Or make an excuse.

"She's always like that."

"Don't pay her no mind."

"Don't let her hurt your feelings" 

"Oh, she didn't mean it"

And they expect you to just... get over it? Get over the nastiness they put in the atmosphere as if we ALL ain't breathing that shit in.

NO!

When do we hold our elderly accountable? When do we say they're rude and nasty to people for no fucking reason?

When do we stop using their age as a clutch? Just because you're older does not give you the right to disrespect people for no reason.

I would be doing a disservice to myself if I allowed someone, regardless of age, to speak to me like I am worth nothing. Especially if I've been nothing but kind to you.

I understand that it's hard to... for lack of better words, "Correct" the behavior of an elder. They are very stubborn folks. 

But there's no way I'd let my elder continue to move through life with that attitude. Absolutely not. I love her waaaaay too much for that, and she will not be embarrassing me.

Because your family and the company you keep are a reflection of you. Is it unfair? Absolutely, but thats just how it is. If your people are weird... BITCH, YOU'RE WEIRD TOO!

I've said all that to say: why do you think elders get a pass? Is it the age? Is it because we hold them to such a high standard? 

And why do you think elders behave this way towards the younger crowd? Is it because they're tired of our bullshit? They have past traumas and are just angry at the world? Or do they just simply... not fuck with us?